Present.?

woah. its almost 2011, the time were New Year resolutions come along. Yeap we all have them, those resolutions that we have for ourselves that we want to "accomplish" but do we really? there those resolutions were at times there just to hard to believe, even to one-self. For example "I am not going to lie".  Really? Last time i checked lies is all i ever heard after the first day. To be honest, the new year (2011) scares me. It scares me for many reasons. One, the fact that im scared that this new year is going to be the same as all the other years that i "thought" were going to be different. Two, my father wont be, again, but i guess after 17 years it kind of got to the point were i kind of guessed it wasn't going to happen for me. three, i will be alone during this big celebration, not family & friends wise, but as in a companion wise. It just brings me those memories where I would spend it with that so-called "special person". Four, im scared if i am actually going to take advantage of the fact that its a new beginning. it makes me think in a way, why do people wait till the new year to start over, why not start over 4,5,6 days ago? Yet again, it is probably more legit to some people. What i do know is that, i am going to take advantage of every opportunity that i have offered to me. I am not going to live life with the "what if's" anymore. Yes it does take some effort to just open up and let go, but hey life isn't easy. I remember when i was a little girl I would wait until midnight with my colorful hat and with that thing you spin and makes noise haha, but i wonder what happend to that girl. Im not sure, but maybe she went on hold when nothing happened in that split second when 11:59 pm turned into 12:00 am. But one never knows what the future holds until there living that moment, that moment were they waited for. Im not sure what they "New Year" might bring, i just have to wait until i am living it. (: